MMIH Chapter 34 : Unhappy Couple Made In Heaven

Soon, it was the end of the year. When the first snow fell on the Imperial Mausoleum, Zhao Guanren’s new play was also half-finished. It was said that this new story was based on the emotional journey of the General and Miss Xin, especially added with Zhao Shi unique sentiment and sense of perception. It could even be called Guanren’s most proud classic works.

The General even made the toy knife himself and two brand-new dolls, with one named Qiao and the other named Mei, specially made for the hero and heroine of the play. After reading the passbook, Miss Xin cried all day and night and named it 'Unhappy Couple Made In Heaven'. She also left a valuable comment: what sheer nonsense.

It was the 13ᵗʰ day of the 12ᵗʰ lunar month when it snowed heavily.

The stage was set up early under the command of Zhao Guanren. A group of small monsters under the stage had already occupied good positions and were looking forward to the final classic play at the end of the year.

Xin Mei took advantage of her privileged position and chose the top-middle positions.

A Hand Stove or Hand Warmer
Image Source | Ebay
Before the play began, she methodically pulled things out from her Gankun’s bag for preparation—a thick stack of handkerchiefs to wipe away her tears; another thick stack of handkerchiefs, for Zhao Guanren to sign; hand stove, used to warm her hands; melon seeds, for her to eat…

Nice drawing!
Image Source | wikiHow
In the blink of an eye, Lu Qianqiao who sat beside her could no longer hold anything with his two hands. Xin Mei sighed with emotion as she set aside the pile of stuff in her arms. She found a more comfortable position and put her head under his arm. Very good, really good.

In the face of her ‘seizing every opportunity’ kind of characteristic, Lu Qianqiao was very calm and already accustomed to it. He put the pile of baffling things aside on the chair. Then he opened the cloak and wrapped her up. Lastly, he covered her with his arms.

"Is it cold?"

He looked down at her short coat, which was not too thick, and there was a white round short-hair pelt hanging from the coat collar, with matching hairpins in her hair, she looked more like a white rabbit.[+]

"Shh, don’t talk, it’s starting!" Xin Mei covered his mouth.

A row of lanterns lit silently on the stage, reflecting a warm reddish-orange colour onto the accumulated snow in the night. With that picturesque feature, graceful Little Mei was the first to appear on the stage.

Off the stage, the little monsters started to buzz as they all looked at Xin Mei’s side. Obviously, the doll was much more beautiful than her. Just like what people said, in a lover’s eyes, a girl would always look beautiful. In the General’s eyes, Miss Xin was like a fairy maiden.

Little Mei, who was going to turn 16, was an unrestrained and willful girl. Although she was incomparable in beauty, no one dared to propose to her because she was rumoured to be a jinx to her future husband. Her family was very broken-hearted about her marriage. In desperation, she decided to go out and buy a ‘husband’ herself which led to a magical and tortuous journey in her life.

Since then, she met many people, including enchanting charming Fox Fairy and cowardly good-for-nothing Immortal. Finally, she met the nemesis of her life, Qian Qiao, the General of Flying Calvary. At first sight, there were sparks between them. On the first day they saw each other, it gave birth to the feeling of affection which immediately went out of control. On the second day they met, debauchery happened between them as they became smitten with each other till it was hard for them to part. (Xin Mei's comment: This debauchery definitely arises from their feelings. )

Although the two loved each other, the General had to face the disaster of transformation and he was likely to die. So after a few moments of debauchery, he suddenly realised that this wouldn’t be able to continue. In order not to delay Little Mei’s life, he debauched her one last time, and then, he silently left his beloved girl. As the chilly wind was howling and the water of River Yi was cold, the General went away and never returned. (Lu Qianqiao's comment: Who is this scum? I’ll ask Silan to burn up the play book later.)

After the General’s departure, Xiao Mei had her face bathed in tears day and night. She was filled with grief as to wish she was dead. During this time, the Fox Fairy and the good-for-nothing Immortal tried to comfort her, one after another. At the same time, they even took advantage of her vulnerable times to force her for affection. Although Little Mei was taken by force, she still had the General in her heart. After experiencing an ambiguous wet relationship with the Fox Fairy and numerous forced attempts by the good-for-nothing Immortal, Xiao Mei made up her mind to leave with sorrow. (Xin Mei: They are all older than my grandfather! )

Who would have thought when the willow trees made shade in another village, even after the General had long left Little Mei, every night in his heart, there would be green sea, blue sky as he could not forget Little Mei’s goodness. After learning of her entanglement with the other two immortals, he flew into a rage and debauched her again. After all their debauchery, their feelings broke out and they realised that they loathed to part with each other. (Lu Qianqiao: Why I’m always the one who started the debauchery…)

Their sweet moments didn’t last long. The General’s transformation came and he lost five senses which turned him into a living corpse. The General’s mother sent him to the battlefield for family glory, trying to make him gain a good reputation after his death. In the dangerous battlefield, the General suddenly woke up and brandished his long knife in every direction as he wanted to kill everyone—

Zhao Guanren shouted from behind backstage, "Quick! Where is the prepared chicken blood? Hurry, pour it out! Sound and lighting effects! Sound and lighting effects!"

As the General waved his shiny long knife on the stage, scarlet chicken blood was also poured all over the stage, so the smell reeked of blood wafted around. Monsters that had keen of smell one after another started to frown and then they automatically covered their noses.

Plum Flower Sweet Cakes
These are made from charcoal that is usually used in hand stove as their main ingredient. When these cakes are put inside a hand stove, they will emit a sweet smell.
Image Credit | 弘益茶道美学微刊 via Sohu
Xin Mei took out a plum flower sweet cake from inside the collar on her chest, put it in her hand stove then she moved it to the front of her nose when she suddenly felt that Lu Qianqao’s arm was holding her shoulder gradually tightened. She looked up in disbelief and saw his blank face. He was motionless as he stared closely at the scarlet blood on the stage.

She lifted her hand stove to his nose, and he looked down at her with astonishment.

"So that you can’t smell them." She smiled with her warm palm resting on his cold cheek.

He put his hand behind her back and held her. He then wrapped the cloak tighter, while looking at the loud crying scene on the stage. He thought for a moment and then asked, "That day…was it the same as this?"

He knew that he had killed many people in Jiaping Mountain Pass that day, but he did not know about it until later. When he was awakened, he was completely unconscious and had no memory of it.

"Much worse than this." Xin Mei spat out two pieces of melon seed shells. "There were also cut off hands, cut off feet, internal organs and so on…"

"Xin Mei…" He sighed helplessly, "Shut up."

The General on the stage was showing his might after the destructive power of the war demon broke out, and he howled like a wild beast. He killed Alan, his loyal subordinate who came to dissuade him...(another pot of chicken blood was poured out), and he was also preparing to kill other innocent people beside him. At this critical moment, Little Mei appeared.

She rushed up to stop him by hugging the General tightly, calling out his name with deep feeling and choked with sob till her voice was hoarse. The General’s violent action gradually calmed down and he finally regained his sanity. The two embraced and kissed in full view of the public, showing their deep love.

"Lu Qianqiao, if I had held you like that at that time, would you awake?"

Although it was only a fake play, Xin Mei was still moved by it till her eyes brimmed with tears. At the moment, she had completely regarded the play as someone else’s story.

"You’d better not think about doing such a foolish thing." Lu Qianqiao frowned.

She took a sniff and smiled smugly, "So…the most useful thing was just by hitting you with a stone."

… wonder when he woke up that day, he could feel the back of his head hurt badly. He thought Li Min or some other people had stunned him. As it turned out, it was her who hit him with a stone.

The truth finally came to light.

So, he pinched her cheeks.

The General had successfully passed the transformation and gained all the strength of a war demon. From that moment, he had the noblest and purest blood in his clan. The General’s mother asked him to continue his pureblood by choosing a noblewoman from the War Demon Clan to be his bride. Little Mei thought the General would flatly refuse. Unexpectedly, he agreed to it.

【 Why? Didn’t you say you would marry me and love me till the end of the world? 】 Little Mae wept silently.

【 I can’t remember the past clearly. If I do love you like crazy, it will be impossible for me to forget. My feeling for you was from the past me, and I guess that's all it was. 】 The General answered calmly.

【 You…you really have a ruthless heart! 】

【 I’m sorry to have held you up for so long. 】

【 You will regret this! I will make you live in regret for the rest of your life till you never get up again! 】

Little Mei ran away, and the lanterns on the stage went out one by one. Zhao Guanren cleared his throat and said in the softest voice, "Why did the General change his temperament overnight? Where will Little Mei go? How will the relationship between the two ends? Please wait for the next part of ‘Unhappy Couple Made In Heaven’. Wonderful scenes are still up to come!"

The audience was crying. Xin Mei blew her nose and shook her sleeve, "Lu Qianqiao, you won’t marry a noble girl from the War Demon Clan and then abandon me, would you?"

…..his head hurt so much. He would ask Silan to roast some rat meat tonight.

At the end of the play, many monsters of the Imperial Mausoleum left with tears and sighs. Xin Mei put her things back into her Gankun bag one by one. She was about to get up when she saw a flash of lantern light and two more lamps were lit on the stage. Little Mei and Qian Qiao were still on the platform, with one sitting, then reclining while the other one was dancing in the snow.

【 Qian Qiao, you always make me wait, so I won’t wait for you this time. 】

Many dolls appeared behind him. The cold light of a knife flickered as it stabbed into his heart.

【 This time you will be the one who will wait for me, on the Huangquan Road, by the side of Naihe Bridge. 】

As the knife with its light stroke down, blood-splattered, and fell on the feet of the two audiences. The lanterns blinked out again and the stage turned into darkness.

Zhao Guanren poked out his head from backstage. His beard squirmed as he gloated, "How was it, General, Miss? This is a special ending for you two! I love it when one of you dies! Are you feeling touched?"

Xin Mei threw a huge snowball at him which hit him on the nose, "How can I be touched!"

Zhao Guanren covered his nose as he rolled all over the floor. Xin Mei was busy looking for medicine, to make amends to him, while Lu Qianqao…he was wiping the bloodstains on his feet over the snow, then he turned and walked away.

The smell of blood was too strong. He must wash off the smell quickly…

After putting some medicines on Zhao Guanren’s poor nose, Xin Mei turned her head and found that Liu Qianqiao had been missing. She ran back quickly. As soon as she entered the courtyard, she saw a cloak laying on the ground, the one that he had just worn.

A few more steps forward, it was his coat. As she kept walking forward, a pair of shoes fell by the door.

Xin Mei pushed open the door and turned into the bedroom. No one was there. She then turned to the side public bath, then she saw clothes thrown all over the floor. Liu Qianqiao's whole body was buried in the steaming water, motionless.

The steam was filled with the sweet smell of Osmanthus, which was the essence she used to bathe every day. She did not know how much he sprinkled in the water, that the fragrance almost choked her.

"Lu Qianqiao, what’s wrong with you?" She leaned over the pool and asked cautiously.

He slowly emerged from the water, and drops of water trickled down his handsome outline. When he turned around, he suddenly grabbed her wrist and dragged her in. Xin Mei let out a cry and fell into the pool, just like a drowning cat lost its head out of fear, she immediately tried to get up, but the next moment she was hugged by him tightly.

"You… "

Her words were blocked back by a pair of hot lips.

He was giving her a fierce kiss.

Noob Translator's Notes

  1. I feel sorry for Meishan. He was called a good-for-nothing Immortal in the play made by Zhao Guanren. Did Zhao Guanren have a problem with Meishan or because LQQ doesn't really like Meishan?
  2. This part 'the chilly wind was howling and the water of River Yi was cold' is actually a lyric from an ancient Chinese song called Farewell by Yi River. For the full lyrics of the song, you can go visit Classical Chinese Song Translation, and you can also read the story behind the song from the same site.


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16 Jul 24
🦊 : I've updated 2 new chapters for ROHYX on my Ko-fi page: Chapters 527 & 528. Those who have sponsored me some teas, you have 30 days of access to all the chapters available there. 😊